The Hiraeth Series
Our society has become too fast. Advances in technology and transportation allow us to have the world at our fingers in an instant. We hurry. We do more in less time. But at what cost?
I am tired. I am burned out. I am stressed. None of these are pleasant, and I wish these feelings on no one. Unfortunately, I think many people feel the same. Why? Because we can’t slow down. Not only can we not slow down, we can’t even take a minute and “turn it off.”
I am a retired officer in a law enforcement police detention facility. When you work in a uniform, it can provide you an unique “power switch” in your work life. At the end of the work day, when you stand at your locker and you take off that uniform, you also shut off that day. What you do for a living is defined by wearing that uniform.
I retired 10 years ago. Like many in law enforcement, I was still a fairly young man when I retired, so not continuing to work full-time was not an option. I took a new job and advanced into the management position I currently hold. I wear street clothes and work at a computer all day. I manage thousands of resources, several people, and a large budget. I am juggling new software implementations, a large budget reduction, a resource reallocation project, and employees pursuing new advanced opportunities within our organization.
The problem? The “power switch” is gone. There is no longer a uniform to signify on-duty versus off-duty. I feel like I am always on. I have trouble sleeping at night. When I do fall asleep, I wake up several times. On Sunday, I am thinking about Monday; and on Monday I am already wishing for the weekend. I can no longer give the effort I feel I need to give to perform optimally.
And so it begins…
Since my “power switch” is gone, I just decided to temporarily go “off the grid.” I have accrued a lot of time off in my job, and while always busy, this is the slower part of the year for us. I have a great staff and I know they are very self-managed.
I have taken a month off. I am driving to California to see family, and I am going to learn, even if by self-force – to slow the F*#K down!
I am embracing this time, and I am getting immersed in Hiraeth. Many may read the definition of Hiraeth and think it is bad. It does not have to be. Like making a pot of tea, you enjoy the beverage you create, you do not shove your hand in the boiling water, but the drink can’t happen without boiling the water, so you exercise caution.
I have stopped for the night in Nebraska. Day 1 of my journey has come to an end. It has been a long day: 12 hours across the American Midwest. I crossed Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, and better than half of Nebraska. It didn’t feel like 12 hours. The day was a little cloudy; it even snowed on me in Des Moine, Iowa. Just a dusting. A gentle reminder of what is to come.
I had forgotten how driving across the United States can make you feel open, free, and alive. To see so much land, so much vast space and various terrains, really makes you appreciate life.
After checking into my motel, I drive into the small town I am staying in. There is a little brewpub here that I have actually been to before and truly enjoy. I enjoyed sitting at the bar and having a cold one to end the day. I talked to the bartender – a young man of 26, originally from a farm in South Dakota. He talked to me about breaking horses when we was a late teen. He recalled his uncle giving him a cold beer and saying, “if you are old enough to break a horse, you’re old enough to have a beer.”
I spent some time talking football with the gentleman sitting next to me, adorned head to toe in his Cornhuskers gear. We talked about our teams and how they were doing this year. We talked about our shared dislike that the Big 10 now reaches the west coast and that with all the NIL deals in college sports these day, they might as well just be pro’s and not college players anymore.
I’m in the heart of America; not by location, but in feeling. The place where you put your worries aside, and enjoy the company of strangers who are just like you, and yet different too.
Tomorrow – Colorado and Utah lie ahead of me. I will drive from prairie, to mountains, to desert. Another 12 hour day. Another day that is quite literally a road to recovery.
Be safe my fiends; and keep Rambling!
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