The Hiraeth Series
Don’t be afraid to be weak; Don’t be too proud to be strong; Just look into your heart my friend; That will be the return to yourself; The return to innocence.” – ENIGMA
Facing the Past
The title of this piece, as well as the first paragraph, are the opening lines to the song, Return to Innocence by the group Enigma. They seemed oddly apropos, given that the return to my hometown in California, the source of my hiraeth, is also a return to more innocent times in my life.
In previous posts, I talked about my travel from the Midwest back to California. I also discussed a three-day stay I allowed myself in the beautiful mountain town of Idyllwild, CA. Those combined three days gave me an opportunity to prepare for what lie ahead. It helped me slow down, and it helped me gain perspective.
As I came down out of the San Jacinto Mountains and into Hemet, I did feel my back start to tighten. Once I was off the mountain, I was subject again to the traffic, the congestion, and the sprawling nature of southern California cities. I made my way past Winchester, Menifee, and Canyon Lake, and jumped on northbound I-15 at Lake Elsinore. These are all communities that were very remote when I was a child, and now they are just more of the urban sprawl that makes up SoCal.
I got off the highway at Corona, CA and wound my way through town to pick up CA-91 for the last 15 minutes drive down into Orange County and the city of Orange, my hometown. Once I got into Orange, I felt like my chest was in a vise. I have come back many times and I have always felt the hiraeth, but this hit hard. I have to wonder if it was because it has been on my mind more lately. I don’t know.
The first destination of my “nostaglia” tour is always to drive by my childhood home.
When my parents bought this home in 1963, it was brand new. In my mind everything is still as it was, and to wrap my head around this house now being 62 years old is hard.
What’s more, in 1963 when this house was brand new, my parents paid $30,000 for it. Today these houses, despite being more than a half century old, garner north of $1M. In fact, a year ago I saw a news article that stated that the median home price in Orange County is now over $1.8M.
My next stop – the elementary school. In this photo the school is across the grass ball fields. I chose to take this picture, as this is the way we walked to school in the morning. Elementary school in those days was K – 6. My memories are of everything from parents night, to ice cream socials, an annual school carnival, being a cub scout, and so much more. It was a perfect place to grow up.
Now under normal circumstances, I would offer you a nice picture of my Junior High School. Unfortunately, it is gone. Where Peralta Junior High stood is now a pre-school, and a golf driving range.
Moving on people…moving on!
If you read my post Halloween Memories, you may remember that I talked about the destination being the fire station. They gave out full-sized Sugan Daddy’s. Well, here she is. Only holds two trucks. Seemed so BIG as a kid.
I made my drive through downtown. Downtown Orange is a plaza. Plaza’s are not uncommon out west, and what we mean by plaza is that rather than a straight “Main St.,” downtown is the intersection of two streets. Where those two streets intersect, there is a large roundabout and in the center of the roundabout is a park. The cover photo above is downtown Orange.
You may recognize it. It has been in many movies over the years, and was also the fictional town of Grandview in which Jennifer Love-Hewitt lived in Ghost Whisperer.
I made other stops as I went that I will not bore you with. To repeat though, for some reason, the old sadness of a lost time was very present.
I had “family business” to attend to while in SoCal. My main reason to go was to visit my 94-year-old mother who is in assisted living. I was able to spend time with her and that is always valuable. Despite being deep in the darkness of dementia, she smiles and talks. Sometimes the wit and sassiness that I remember surfaces and it makes me smile. Dementia is a sad disease. Looking at the person who raised you and whom you love deeply, only to know that they really do not know who you are is painful, but I will say this – she is happy. As a son, that means more to me than anything. She is not aware of her disease, and in her mind she is happy. So, I am happy too!
I spent four days in SoCal, visiting my mom and other members of my family (that is why a posting gap). During this time a very interesting thing happened within me though. The hiraeth? That vise that was so strong and seemed to press in on me relented. Not only did it relent, I left SoCal with less of that “lost boy” feeling than ever before. It is almost as if a fever spiked and I was very sick, only to suddenly feel better than ever for it. I don’t know. That’s my analogy anyway.
I left SoCal this morning. I am on my way home. MY home. Back to MY family. My wife, my children, my grandson, and my dear sweet dog. I am taking my time and savoring this beautiful and amazing country we live in. As people we can disagree on politics, religion, and more, but we cannot deny the grandeur that nature has provided us on this continent. It is a salve, and I am slathering it on. No rush. Stop, take photos, smile, breathe, meet good people, see great things.
I am content.
I hope you come back for more stories of my adventures on the road as I go back eastward across America.
Keep rambling!
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